Some thoughts...

So, facebook doesn't seem to be the place to air my feelings b/c it's more of a light-hearted, share the good things in your life, don't get too serious kind of site, but I need to get some things off my chest that are on weighing on me this morning and my own blog seems the place to do it.

1) What the hell is the matter with people who flippin' murder their children?! It disgusts me (as I would imagine it does everyone) and sometimes I just can't take it. And admittedly I don't know a lot about CPS, but why are there always calls/reports made to them but they can't do anything about it? Sometimes I feel like that's where I should be working, some kind of child advocacy position, but I don't think I could take it, it would break me.

2) This waking up in the middle of the night thinking about my classroom and teaching has seriously got to stop. The thing that comes to mind, like a direct zinger to the forefront of my brain, is that I didn't answer an email, or get my test scores in soon enough, or comment on the reading journals yet, or push that kid far enough in writing, or correct the math homework, or communicate the purpose of our reading lesson thoroughly, or... And that's all I can focus on, what I DIDN'T do, instead of all the things I HAVE done. Ugh. And then my shoulders tense up, my jaw starts to ache from clenching it so hard, I can't fall back to sleep and then I'm tired the next day. Why are we always our worst critics?

3) I'm almost 42 (tomorrow). For whatever reason, this birthday seems to be a hard one for me. Can't put my finger on it, but it is.

4) And then I try to shift my thinking... to the text I got yesterday from a former student, to the kids in my class who make me laugh, to the opening day of baseball season, to James (who I know is enjoying time w/his boys this week), to my family and our dinner tomorrow night, to good songs on the radio, to friends who I meet for lunch or dinner, to the sun in Texas (which is waiting for me...), to prayer (and knowing I'm not alone in all of this), and to smiling.

Sometimes, things pile up though, and those days suck. I just have to remind myself not to take life too seriously and to embrace the good things, for which I have many.

Thanks for entertaining my venting... I'm off to start my day and to teach the youngsters of America (or at least Bothell), to make my little dent in the world. I'll be out of this funk soon, I know. I can hear birds chirping and it's not raining today, so see? Things looking up already :)

Ok, here we go!

(no proofreading done, btw, so oopsies if there are errors...)

(and the picture at top has nothing to do with this post, I just like it!)