Musings on Life

I've been thinking about this for a while, kind of been brewing in my head for a bit...

In a recent conversation, the other person stated, "I'm so used to having something bad in my life, I'm not sure how to not have that." Well, the statement might not have been exactly in those words, but that's what I remember.

It's what stuck out and stuck with me because I think I'm in the same exact boat. For so long I've had painful circumstances... it's what I'm used to. It's what I know.

Parents divorced, brother died, dad remarried and had a baby, baby given up for adoption, dad moved across the country, my unhappy marriage, fertility issues, going through divorce from abusive marriage, losing my teaching partner and friend to another school, dad had stroke, health concerns in spinal area, to name a few....

This has been a particularly trying and stressful fall. A pretty difficult three or four months. But I feel like I'm on the upswing, I've turned the corner.

I'm a teacher. Math, reading, writing, grammar, social studies, science, health, spelling, handwriting. Manners, social skills, kindness, acceptance, hard work, responsibility, confidence, empathy. I have 5th and 6th graders this year. They are awesome. Good things happen in my classroom. It's an honor to teach the future of our country, and I'm good. I know my stuff. And I work with colleagues who are excellent teachers, and who are eager to learn, grow, and perfect our craft even further. That's pretty cool.

I'm surrounded by family. My sister. She's the epitome of a big sister; she watches out for me, gives advice, and would take out anyone who dares to hurt her little sissy in any way. I'm blessed with a brother-in-law, niece and nephew as well. My mom is a rock star. Seriously. The day she isn't here anymore, I'll need to be committed, I'm sure. My dad and his wife live across the country, but it's ok. He and I are mending our relationship, are building on what is already there.

I've got James. Love him. Am thankful for him. Never will be without him. 'Nuff said.

I have good friends. I go to a great church. I'm learning more about faith and have been working on leaning into God (love that phrase).

So, why hang on to the sadness, the hurt? Have I had some crappy things in my life? Yep. Are there still some things that I'm kind of sad about. Uh-huh. And what am I gonna do about it??

I'm going to change my way of thinking about it.

My experiences with my job are giving me more confidence in my teaching, in my knowledge and in my abilities. I know what is reasonable in my classroom. I know what is expected. I know what the realities are in education. I'm moving forward with all of those things in mind. I'm appreciative of the parent support I've received and friendships I've made along the way.

I've got some things to watch (medically) in my spine. But I'm on them. Other than that, I'm healthy. So, floss my teeth, take care of my skin, eat my calcium supplements, and get off my butt and stay healthy. There.

Relish my family. All of those I've mentioned above and my newly found little sister. Take joy in how similar she and I are, and be thankful for the opportunity to have her back in my life. Hug those close to me, spend time with my mom, laugh with my niece and nephew, be thankful I have the big sister I do.

Be secure in the future James and I have. Daydream and look forward to vacations together, a home together, walks and talks together. Get to know his boys more and feel blessed to share in their lives. Know that not everyone finds the person who continually has your back, you knows you so well, who supports you through life, and who makes you laugh. Thank God that the two of us have.

Marvel at sunsets, laugh with my students, enjoy the guilty pleasure of reality tv, drink coffee, sip wine, ride my bike, look at the water, sing to Jackson 5 songs, eat ice cream, smile.

Embrace happiness.

My sister used to always tell me she couldn't wait for me to be 40. When I'm 40, she said, I'd be over all the superficial things in life and realize what's important. Well, I'm closing in on 41.... and I think I'm on my way.

(I debated on whether to post this, to share it all. But then I figured, maybe someone will get something out of it, maybe it'll touch someone. Who knows?)